Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Romantic Frustrations...and Taking a Break

When I first began doing these captions several years ago, I did not know how much creative energy I had in my system. Do you want me to explain? I'm sure you would.

These captions came as a way to work out my romantic frustrations. I have not been in a romantic relationship for over 21 years now. I broke up with my last girlfriend (whom I was engaged to marry) in September 1993. Having had a developmental disability that did not allow her to complete high school was hard enough. What made it even harder was that she came from a family with a two-generation history of emotional, mental and physical abuse. We also had religious differences, as she was an atheist. I was raised a non-denominational Christian; I do not believe, however, that transgender people are automatically headed for Hell. I believe that God made us unique. I told this to a transgender woman named Kari Lynne West back in 2004: "God made you transgender." I strongly believe that.

Over the past 21 years, I have dated both genetic (cis) and transgender women. Most of the transgender women I've dated have been those who were transitioning from male to female, but have not had gender reassignment surgery. One of my good friends, Julie, went through GRS nine years ago; Dr. Marci Bowers performed her operation in Trinidad, CO (Dr. Bowers has since relocated to San Francisco). Unfortunately, for me, dates have become fewer and much farther in between. My last date with a transgender woman was in 2008, when I met Nikki at a coffeehouse in suburban St. Louis. She had her GRS in Thailand that summer. My last date, period, was with a genetic (cis) woman in 2010; I had to travel to Erie, PA for that date. It was also the last time I kissed any woman, genetic (cis) or transgender.

Also playing a part in my romantic frustrations was that I had been rejected by most of the girls I had known in my youth. When I was in school, there were always more boys than girls in my class. That made the going very tough for me. Most of the boys in school felt threatened by my chasing the girls. One got so mad, that he literally threatened to kill me. When I met the woman who would become my fiancee, I had pretty much given up on love. When I broke up with her eight and a half years later (I was 18 and she was ten days away from turning 14 when we met; I had a learning disability that forced me to be in special education), I was hoping that there would still be a few women near my age or older who would be available for dating. I found out, the hard way, that they weren't available for various reasons, many of which I rejected as dubious. By the time I reached my 30s, I began rejecting these women because they weren't open to even the idea of a date with me. I acquired a new problem after I turned 30: getting stood up on dates. It got started when I began trying to meet single women online in 1997; it became a disturbing trend by the end of the 1990s. Every no-show damages my trust in women on dates. This is why I have never dated a genetic (cis) woman my age or older. I have been confined to dating only younger genetic (cis) women throughout my life; nowadays, I'm lucky if I get a date with a woman less than 15 years my junior.

The only women near my age or older I've dated have been transgender. My friend, Julie, whom I have gone out with a few times (despite saying that she's a lesbian), is three years younger than me. By contrast, the oldest genetic (cis) woman I've ever dated was four years younger than me. The first transgender woman I went out with was about this time 21 years ago. Her name was Christine; she had been living full-time as a woman for nine months at the time we met. At the time, I was 27 and she 25. We saw each other two more times after that; I lost touch with her after she underwent GRS and moved out of town. The only older women I had dates with were also transgender, and also transitioning to the women they felt they should have been in the first place. I've been out with transgender women up to five years my junior. I didn't get stood up by a transgender woman on a date until 2002 (I got stood up by an older post-op transsexual). I got stood up by a pre-op transsexual in the winter of 2003; we tried to reschedule from a bitterly cold night, but she never got back to me. The problem I have had with both genetic (cis) and transgender women is her honesty about being in another relationship; that happened with the first and last transgender woman I dated. 

Having dated both genetic (cis) and transgender women, I have never considered myself to be gay. I have always been attracted, emotionally, physically and romantically, to those of the female persuasion. It never really mattered to me whether she was born a boy or a girl; the only thing that matters is the woman gracing my eyes. I have never had sex with any woman (genetic or TG) in my life. It is something that I feel should wait until at least I know the woman well enough so we could trust each other. With a genetic (cis) woman, I prefer it should wait until the wedding night.

Having never been able to marry (I've wanted to get married since high school), many of my captions have been about relationships and marriages between men and transgender women. Some of the men in my captions have been through long droughts without love, romantically frustrated and about to give up on love. It is so sad that too many women let material wealth stand in the way of love. It's so sad that I never met Miss Right. Writing these captions allowed me to deal with these frustrations in a creative way.

Having said enough about the reasons why I've been writing these captions, I'm going to take a break from this blog for a while. Thanks to all for your support...and especially to the other caption writers, especially Becky Smith and Diane Darcy, for inspiring my creativity. I have a few captions ready for Valentine's Day. To all our transgender caption writers: Keep up the good work!

A Year in Their Lives

New Year's Eve Wedding